I like to think of myself as an optimist...some would even say to a fault! I don't just think of the glass as half full...I think of it as completely full and running over!! I always want everyone to win! When I used to play on our church co-ed baseball league in Virginia Beach years ago, I used to cheer on the other team. The teams needed to have a certain number of females to play, so they begged me to play, even though I really can not play baseball! So the only place they could put me was as catcher, then the pitcher would run up and cover my spot if needed, lol, sad, I know! But when I would sit up there in my catcher gear, and the other teams girls would come up to bat, I knew that some of them, like me, were only playing to fellowship and to fill a spot on the team. So I would give them a word of encouragement. My team used to crack up at me! But they loved me for it too. That is just who I am, it's how God created me.
If you are my friend, then you already know this about me. If you have ever been through a trial, then you know that not only am I on my knees before God, but I am in your corner. Encouragement is one of my spiritual gifts. A gift that is from the Lord and I try to use it to glorify Him!
Another spiritual gift that I have, not quite as high, but it's still right up there...is faith. I have little faith...like that God is going to help the time go slower when I am running late for piano practice with my kids so that we won't be late! Or that I will find a close parking spot so that I won't have to walk through a busy parking lot with 4 children in tow. I also have BIG faith! The kind that made me know that my husband was going to come home safely from Iraq, or that a friend is going to be healed from cancer. And REAL faith, that when God doesn't answer my prayers the way I wanted Him too...that I still know that He knows what is best and that He has bigger and better plans...or just different plans.
Sometimes I think it's easy for me to have faith cause I have never had to deal with anything tragic or terrible happen to me like being abused as a child, or to go through a divorce or the loss of a loved one, or a miscarriage or the loss of a child. So maybe it's easy to sit in my naive little world and have my faith cause everything always works out for me in the end. Well, not everything, Mr. M and I have been apart A LOT in our marriage due to the Navy and I certainly didn't want him to go to Iraq...but again, he always comes home safely to me.
So the area where I struggle the most with faith...is waiting. Trusting in God that HE WILL PROVIDE! So, now we know we are moving to Everett...but where? Have I chosen the right church? I haven't even been there...how do I know this is where God wants us? What if we find a house close to the church and then we don't fit? It seems that most Navy families live north of Everett but the church is south so I want to live somewhere in between, is that the right decision? Now Mr. M may have to live in California from September to January while we are in WA...how is that going to work during the move? Will I have to unpack and settle us once again by myself and with 4 kids this time and no one to lean on for help? How are we going to take a long trip across the entire country and then find a house to move into before Mr. M has to report to his new command? What if we can't find a house in the 10 days we have for house hunting leave? Should we spend the $500 on a ticket for Mr. M to go out there early to look for a house? Should we move right at the beginning of September or more mid-September? Will I make good friends? Will we be apart for Christmas?
My mind is reeling this evening and I can't sleep. Why is this so hard for me? God always provides the perfect house for us, He always takes care of us, and He always gives me the strength that I need to carry on in whatever task lies ahead.
On Sunday my Pastor was talking about some missionaries that live in an area where they are under constant persecution and their words really hit me, "Do not pray that God would take this away, pray that God would help us to withstand it". Wow! Now that is faith!! BIG faith!!So, Lord, help me to withstand this move once again. You always give us what we need. You especially always provide for me to be able to get through whatever I need to get through. Give me rest Lord. Help me to know what decisions to make and help me to be submissive to my husband and trust him in the decisions that he needs to make for our family. Help us to really enjoy these last few months we have here in New Jersey. Amen